Recently, at dotMagis, I reflected on the reactions of the disciples when Jesus first appeared to them after the Resurrection.  Their reactions usually make me chuckle because they are so full of both joy and fear, despite the fact that new life, the Risen Christ, is in front of them.  I do not think I quite understood the duel emotions of the disciples until this current season of our life. Here’s what I wrote:

This Easter season, however, I identify with the disciples and their responses in a new way. Our life is full of abundant signs of new life and reminders of the risen Christ working in our lives: new city, new job, new friends, new schools for the kids, new communities. However, I find myself “fearful, yet overjoyed,” “startled and terrified,” and “not believing” all the signs of new life around me.

There are days that despite the new life, I feel we are still in a Holy Saturday moment, caught between the grief of the transition and loss of our old life and the hope of new life. The disciples surely felt that way as they were overwhelmed with grief and loss, and suddenly new life was in front of them. Eventually, the disciples began to understand what the new life of Jesus rising from dead meant for them and for the world. I know that with a little help from God, we, too, will understand what the signs of new life mean for us.

I have a much deeper appreciation for the disciples this year.  I understand their joy and fear.  It is with both hopeful  anticipation and a bit of anxiousness we make a fuller turn into our life here in Dallas.  We live with continued hope that we will one day understand fully the new life in front of us.

Becky Eldredge

Becky is an Ignatian-trained spiritual director, retreat facilitator, and writer. She is the author of the Busy Lives and Restless Souls (March 2017, Loyola Press) and The Inner Chapel (April 2020, Loyola Press). She helps others create space to connect faith and everyday life through facilitating retreats and days of reflection, through writing, and through spiritual direction. With nearly twenty years of ministry experience within the Catholic Church, Becky seeks to help others discover God at work in the every day moments of people’s lives by utilizing St. Ignatius’ Spiritual Exercises and the many gifts that our Catholic faith and Ignatian Spirituality provide.