Recently, at dotMagis, I reflected on the reactions of the disciples when Jesus first appeared to them after the Resurrection. Their reactions usually make me chuckle because they are so full of both joy and fear, despite the fact that new life, the Risen Christ, is in front of them. I do not think I quite understood the duel emotions of the disciples until this current season of our life. Here’s what I wrote:
This Easter season, however, I identify with the disciples and their responses in a new way. Our life is full of abundant signs of new life and reminders of the risen Christ working in our lives: new city, new job, new friends, new schools for the kids, new communities. However, I find myself “fearful, yet overjoyed,” “startled and terrified,” and “not believing” all the signs of new life around me.
There are days that despite the new life, I feel we are still in a Holy Saturday moment, caught between the grief of the transition and loss of our old life and the hope of new life. The disciples surely felt that way as they were overwhelmed with grief and loss, and suddenly new life was in front of them. Eventually, the disciples began to understand what the new life of Jesus rising from dead meant for them and for the world. I know that with a little help from God, we, too, will understand what the signs of new life mean for us.
I have a much deeper appreciation for the disciples this year. I understand their joy and fear. It is with both hopeful anticipation and a bit of anxiousness we make a fuller turn into our life here in Dallas. We live with continued hope that we will one day understand fully the new life in front of us.